It’s been so long since I wrote something here on this blog… Almost a month in fact.
It’s no secret that life is a roller coaster and some things can just hit you out of the blue, add pregnancy on top of that and it makes for an incredibly unscheduled and chaotic world.
There have been some things happen in the past couple months that though I have written about, I chose to never publish publicly here on Allies Big Belly. To be completely truthful (as I always am here) there are a number of reasons why these posts have never reached your eyes. I owe you all an explanation, especially to those of you who come here as dedicated readers.
The first reason being the foundation of this blog in general. In this safe space I am completely vulnerable. I open myself up to the world in one of the most intimate ways I can think of. I write about the hard shit. The tough times. The rough stuff. That is never an easy feat! Often times I sit here at my laptop and feel the need to write it all out, crying tears as I type. This stuff has brought back memories and raw feelings of some of the hardest things I have ever had to go through in my short 22 years on this earth. I’m not some Wonder Woman who has super human strength and doesn’t feel hurt from hurtful things. I’m actually quite a fragile thing if you get to know me…
I created this blog on the promise to myself, that whatever I wrote would be real. I wanted this space to be utterly transparent, so that I was not only true to who I am but also that readers out there could trust that no matter the topic, I’d be genuine and legitimate with every story or piece of advice.
It’s because of this promise that it’s taken me some time to come back here to this place. Although its safe, it’s scary. My heart is in these words. My experiences, my family, my partner, my life. So I’m dealing with this stuff real time guys. I want to be completely pure and open when I talk about whats going on and so I’ve really needed to take some time to process everything before I publish.
I hope that makes sense to those of you who have inquired about my “dying” blog.
Secondly, I want to touch on the fact there are so many of you out there! I know what you’re probably thinking… “Allie, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you put things online” but hey, in all honesty I thought a couple of mates, my mum and my sister would read these posts. I had absolutely NO IDEA how many of you would have found something in these stories to relate to. Or how many people I would receive messages from who have got something out of this whatever that may be. I’ve at times struggled with feeling embarrassed about the way I’ve felt, the things I’ve gone through, simply because when you do put yourself out there, you’re opening the door to judgement and criticism. This has held me back from wanting to further the blog.
It’s quite daunting actually, to lay your heart bare and then know that over a thousand people now know about your struggles. Readers from India, or Austria, as far away as Japan or as close as Australia. I see you guys, I know you’re there reading this right now and I’m so grateful for you. This young woman from New Zealand never expected you, but I am so happy you’re here. Through friends and family, and mostly through my amazing sister’s encouragement I am back, with a strength and a confidence that i had when I started.
I’m ready to publish some of the posts that I’ve written over the past month or so…
I’m not going to edit them, it’s going to be raw. As it always is.
Thank you all again. For being patient, for sticking with me, for your heartfelt messages and comments. You will know soon just how difficult it’s been for me, and then, I hope you all can understand.
I want you to know that you kept me going through this time.